What should you never say or talk about in a new relationship?

  

Honesty is very important in a new relationship, but some things are better left unsaid until it really, really, needs to be said. With these tips, you’ll be better equipped to avoid certain touchy subjects that might make your new partner want to opt out of your relationship.


#1 The list of your exes. Yes, you can talk about your ex. You can tell the story about why you broke up and what your feelings on the subject are. Aside from that, the only time you can talk about an ex is when you encounter them anywhere. At this point in the relationship, neither of you should care about that list. The list will gradually be enumerated in passing, not in one fell swoop.

#2 Specific marriage plans. Talk of marriage can send anyone running when it’s brought up in the first couple of dates. To avoid this, ask them instead if they have plans to get married or have kids. These general questions need not be discussed any further… or at all.

#3 The number of kids you should have. If they ask how many kids you want in the future, that’s okay. You can ask your partner that as well. Besides, it’s just an approximation. What you shouldn’t ask is how many kids they’re planning to have with you. Not only would that question be uncomfortable for them to answer, but it makes you seem presumptuous as well.

#4 Living together. The concept works for some people but moving in with a person you hardly know but feel strongly about is not necessarily a good idea. It would be better if you eased into the idea rather than jump head first. It might be better for both of you to learn more about each other’s habits and develop enough affection that will help you overlook each other’s flaws in close quarters.

#5 Labels. Before you start discussing labels, ask yourself if the label you have in mind is the right one for your kind of relationship. These days it can be pretty tough to put labels on a relationship. But the one thing you should never do to get an answer for this is to sit your partner down, put him or her on the spot and bluntly ask, “What are we?”

#6 Fetishes. Oh, don’t deny it. Everybody has one. If you don’t, consider developing a safe and healthy one. You can openly talk about fetishes when you have developed enough trust to share such a personal detail about your life. The reason you shouldn’t discuss this early in a relationship is because it’s such a monumental subject. This can affect your sex life as well as your rapport together.
You should both be at a point where you can accept these things because you understand the person better. You get where they’re coming from and you can talk about the subject without judging them. The only other time you can discuss this in a new relationship is if that relationship is purely about sex.

#7 Salaries. The general concession is that you should never ask a person what their salary is. It’s a game where both people lose. The amount of money you earn can cause resentment on one part and a superiority complex on the other. Apart from that, asking a person’s salary – one you don’t trust and who doesn’t trust you yet – is not only tacky, but rude.

#8 A very strong opinion. It’s good to show a person that you have principles and are willing to stick to them. However, if you have extremely strong views about a certain topic, don’t insist on discussing it with someone who may not even have an opinion on the topic or worse yet, the opposite opinion. Save the emphatic discussions for when your partner understands the underlying reasons for such strong opinions.